Productivity Report: The Devil
Here is the preface to these two...essays? I’m not entirely sure how to classify them. These were written a few weeks ago while I was working at my office job. I decided to stop eating lunch for various reasons (some of which are explained below, some of which are explained in my podcast entitled: Lunch Conspiracy) and basically I would find myself in this enhanced mental state. Pretty cool stuff, and I would write these intense passages that are kind of funny in a way but also serious. Half funny, half serious let’s go with that. Basically, the idea was to pinpoint strategies which were increasing my productivity. I found that not eating lunch helped and also not bringing my phone into work. These behaviors which negatively impact my body, mind, or soul have been labeled: The Devil. This isn't a religious idea, rather, it is a personification of the behavioral patterns I am seeking to diminish or destroy. Alcohol is the devil, Wendy's is the devil, Weed is the devil, you understand...
No more big lunch, small snacks or nothing at all- wait until dinner. I work a lot more diligently and efficiently before I’ve eaten.
It’s bigger than lunch. Resisting the devil at night has proven to be supremely effective. What is more powerful than a clear morning mind? And, for me, hunger enhances focus and clarity. Eating 1,000 calories before bed is suicide in terms of the next day’s productivity. That’s about 40 minutes in the bathroom taking a giant dump in the morning, then another dump a few hours later to expel the rest of the heinous Taco Bell I ingested the previous night. So now, just to get even, it’s taken half the day! This is big time, start the day at night, that’s when the decision is made to be my most effective and efficient self. If I resist one urge at night, my productivity the next day increases tenfold. STAGGERING.
I’ve cracked the code. Lunch is a full blown conspiracy theory created by those at the top. There are dark forces at work. Even right at this moment they are seeing me type these words. They fear me. I can feel it. Lunch is a conspiracy theory in order to keep the common folk DOWN. Haven’t you ever wondered why the “2:30 feeling” exists? It’s because you ate a big lunch dummy! Sorry I snapped at you. LISTEN. What is a socially acceptable lunch? A sandwich? Insanity. In the middle of the day you are going to eat...an Italian Hero? A pound of meat on bread with some oil and vinegar?? Gadzooks man! I can think of no better way to completely ruin a day! To ingest 1,500 calories at noon? All in one sitting? We are killing ourselves; killing our potential. Do you think that those powerful people at the top eat lunch? Of course they don’t! Understand what’s going on. If we are ever to claim that which is truly ours, we must be our best selves. To cut hours of production out of our day as a result of afternoon gluttony ensures that greatness will remain nothing but a dream.
Leave the phone in the car.
It’s the procrastination machine. I love my phone. I have an unhealthy relationship with my phone. My phone rules over me. It is the devil. When I stare at my phone screen 4 hours a day, I am a vessel for the devil. The devil will do everything in his power to prevent greatness. Those who overcome the devil are not just more likely to achieve success; it is inevitable. There is no such thing as ‘belief’ when you overcome these impulses, there is simply knowledge. I don’t ‘believe’ that the sky is blue, I know that it is. I don’t ‘believe’ that I will be successful, I know that I will be.
As though I needed additional information that me overusing my phone was a problem, I have found myself feeling legitimate anxiety as a result of being separated from my phone. Most of the time I forget that it isn’t here, but then when I think about it I feel that ‘pit’ feeling in my stomach. What a joke I am. Be stronger, David. All of humanity before you lived life without a cell phone, and yet you somehow feel physical manifestions of anxiety as a result of being separated from it? Like a child who can’t find his mother? Get a grip on your life! You possess the mental fortitude which will put you among a class of men whom you have seeked to emulate for a lifetime. Maintain your composure, keep your vision in tact, remove the shackles.